I'd like to think of myself as a modern-day working man. By which, I mean that I try to stay up-to-date when it comes to television. I do not watch only things that are gay. Nay, I try to cover a broader spectrum of series that shape our televisual landscape. Admittedly, I only watched half of Season 1 to Game of Thrones before I gave up... but otherwise, I feel that I have never been better. TV-wise. Maybe.
All of this to say-- starting in June, my friend and I began a quest. We knew that it would be grueling, yet worthwhile. I will admit, dear friends, I was scared. But it was a mission we knew in our hearts that would be worth the experience. And so we jumped right in-- we attempted to break bad. And as of October 24, 2016... I can say that I have officially seen every episode of Breaking Bad.
It was a perilous journey. In many ways, I would say that Walter White's life is mirrored in my own... well, that only means that we both have bald heads. I haven't cooked meth in my life, but give it a couple decades and I'll get back to you. As I sit here to write down all of my thoughts about this monumental series, I realize that there is nothing I can say that hasn't already been said. Not only did I catch up on all of the episodes with reviews from The A.V. Club, but I scanned a slew of message boards about the series. As the plots developed and the characters grew more nuanced and grotesque, I couldn't help but gobble up every ounce of information that I could find.
I could write that the series is about power-- how we discover what is innate within us, how we come to terms with our own humanity, how to properly produce and distribute meth. But that has all been said before. Perhaps, to me, what is most fascinating is our own perception of mortality and our inevitable response to these discoveries that I find most rewarding about the series. I do not need to spell out the synopsis of the show for you-- I would like to think that, at this point, you have an inkling as to what Breaking Bad is about. And even if you have not watched the series in its entirety, there are some takeaways I hope you can read into here. There may be spoilers, so read at your own discretion.
From the outset, we were led to believe that Walt committed a multitude of heinous acts because he was a devoted family man. He killed, lied, manipulated, and forged a path as a the kingpin for selling meth on the New Mexico drug circuit. I've never done that. It's incredible. But deep down, we had to believe, that as Walt grew to be this monster, this pinnacle of evil, that there was a reason for it all. If you were anything like me, you hoped that there would be some altruistic pattern for his actions-- that maybe, just maybe, he was doing this for his family.
But then the moment hits: he did it for himself. In his final scene with Skyler, he admits that none of his actions were carried out due to his love for his wife, son, or daughter. No, they were for himself. Set against a backdrop of eerie silence, this scene in the series finale struck me as more than an admission of guilt. Walt is here, pleading to his wife, to... not necessarily forgive him, but to understand him. To understand that there was a method to his madness, to understand that there is a good soul behind the cold and icy exterior. Whether or not Skyler truly does understand is not our job to interpret. The journey we have been on is not hers. She is just another element of Walt's. His revelation-- that everything he did came from a selfish place is not merely for Skyler. It is his own admission. Y'all... Walter White is a liar. And after five seasons, I had no trouble saying he was a vicious and horrible douchebag. But it is in this moment that the severity of his impending death is looming, he knows this, but it is also where every moment we have witnessed culminates into a singular moment of clarity. We are afforded the luxury to just stand still-- take in this quiet moment of desperation, of self-acceptance. The fact that Walt is coming to terms with his life, death, and everything in between is harrowing.... yet warm? He is no longer hiding behind the lies or the schemes. He stands before his wife--- and by extension, us, unafraid of what the last few hours of his life holds.
Needless to say, I loved the series. It was gritty, unforgiving, and bleak. At so many points throughout our viewings, my friend kept saying how sad the series was, that no one was ever happy. Maybe it's the masochist in me, but I couldn't help but agree... but I was really into it. Of course I wouldn't call this series upbeat and peppy, that was never the point. Rather, it is a fascinating and gripping character study. It IS about power, loyalty, and the lies we tell ourselves to keep going. But beyond that, it is about the struggle between all of these relations, as we attempt to navigate through our own self-consciousness. And if that is not enough for you, we can seek solace in the fact that such a revolutionary series taught us how to properly cook meth. And isn't that the lesson?
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