An Ode (and Final Farewell) to Looking

Every so often, a series comes along that you relate to instantly. And hopefully, that series is not only consistent throughout each of its seasons, but it has the necessary fanbase and reviews that it sticks around for years. It's hard to find those series. Nothing's perfect, some seasons are lackluster, it's cancelled as quickly as it premiered. Other times, though, you're given one last chance to say goodbye. And dammit, you take that opportunity and you make the most of those final moments.

HBO's Looking has always held a special place in my heart, ever since it first aired in 2014. I remember it vividly. It was a blistery January evening. Right after it premiered, HBO promoted the series by uploading the entire pilot to YouTube to watch for free. Knowing that it was about a trio of gay men living in San Francisco, obviously I knew I had to watch it. And what I found in that first episode was nothing short of a subtle miracle. Running through the gauntlet of the numerous facets of being a gay man in the 21st century (cruising, Tinder, monogamy), I found myself connecting to these stories, simply because this was the first time they had been adequately portrayed on television. Here, I found the queer community, represented as lived-in, as in a part of the everyday experience. There was no unnecessary attention drawn to the fact that these characters were gay. They just were. It was a part of their identity. It seems painfully simple, and in a way, it was. There were no histrionics, there was no extravagance. And because of this, I related.

Two years came and went. I watched each episode as soon as it aired, soaking in the characters, the delicacy of these relationships, and the beautiful San Fran setting. As happens when you are in love with something, you scan the deep inter webs, reading all the think pieces and articles that you can devour in one sitting. Looking was no exception.  I had read across the Internet that the series was boring, that it was just trying to be the gay Girls. I became defensive. First off, what does that even mean? And second, how does one dictate boring? I was getting so worked up over all of these off-putting remarks. I am by no means insisting that my opinion is the only right one, but to write-off a series by calling it boring has always struck me as lazy. Give me a better reason puh-lease. Besides, as I will divulge below, while some may not have related to the show as well as I did, its mere presence impacted more than I initially thought.

In a nutshell and without spoiling anything for future viewers, Looking tells the story of Patrick Murray (played with such awkward enthusiasm by Jonathan Groff), a video game designer who lives in San Francisco with his two best friends Dom and Agustín (played by Murray Bartlett and Frankie J. Alvarez respectively). Portrayed as unlucky in love, the series follows all of Patrick's capers, as he comes to terms with his own identity; sexually, romantically, and individually. Relationships include those with barber Richie (Raúl Castillo) and boss Kevin (Russell Tovey). Again, it is not enough to focus on these plot points, because they only serve as a catalyst for unique discussions and insight into each of these characters.

Looking is not grand. It is not extravagant. It is not about the big picture. Rather, it focuses on the details, on the characters, on the stolen glances of new love, of lost love, of love recaptured. In its two season run, one might argue that "nothing happens." But maybe that's the point, and maybe the point was missed. There is something so achingly beautiful in each scene, however flawed they can be. At the end of the day, this series is about the relationships, about creating a series that celebrates the queer community by demonstrating to its audiences that these men have crafted their own family. I would never try to claim that gay men are "normal" because normalcy is relative. What I can say, however, is that this one show was and is important. It demonstrates how the queer community can be represented.

I won't lie to any of you. I was devastated when Looking was cancelled. Where was I to go without these characters? What was going to happen to these relationships?? But boy was I relieved to find HBO was giving its fans one last hurrah with a final 85 minute long movie. I waited. And I waited some more. And finally the day came- Looking: The Movie. I chose not to catch up with the series beforehand, because I wanted to focus only on the film. And what I watched only reinforced the love I had for this series.

Looking picks up several months after the season two finale, a reason that I was glad that I did not watch both seasons before indulging in the film. And while I do not want to rehash the synopsis for you (because let's face it, you should just watch the movie for yourself), what I can do is recommend this slice of life for gay men with my utmost praises. Each of the characters is back in their most honest, their most flawed and exposed. And I soaked up this final hour and a half as best I could. Looking never threw away an opportunity to shows its audience how powerful a conversation between two, how intimate a love scene, how nuanced a relationship between a gay man and a straight woman can be. The film itself may be used to pick up the remaining pieces of these characters' lives, but that does not mean its beauty is tossed out the window. Rather, it is reinstated, by allowing each of these men and women to find their happy endings, however happy they may be.

I am planning on initiating a new weekly post devoted to my favorite scenes of television/film for that week (however old these episodes or scenes may be) and discussing what makes them resonate with me. And you best believe the final 10 minutes of Looking: The Movie will be right at the type of my list. Honestly, I am still working out all of my feelings, because there are a lot. But suffice it to say that this film has stuck with me. The entire series has. And while I know this is not the last you are going to hear me talk about it, please do yourselves a favor: take the journey. Y'all gotta start looking.