I wish I knew how to quit you, you rascally men of the South

I remember it perfectly. It was February 2006. For some reason, my family was holed up in a hotel in St. Louis, and my mother and I were watching the Oscars. At the bright age of 13, I knew exactly who/what I wanted to win. And needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised as the winners ascended the stage to thank their families, co-stars, etc. Dolly Parton gave a fun performance of her nominated song, Travelin' Thru. Things were looking good. But then tragedy struck. The evening was about to conclude, Best Picture was going to be announced. My mother and sat on pins and needles waiting for one name to be called. By my calculations, everything was pointing to its victory, nothing was going to steal Brokeback Mountain's title.

And then Crash won Best Picture. My life has never been the same.

In my young adolescence, I was fueled by rage. What was the meaning behind this nonsense?! As God as my witness, I was never going to watch the Oscars again (I did... and continue to do so every year)!

My exact reaction when Crash won Best Picture

Years and years later, I have found time to recover from the initial sting of Ang Lee's film losing the coveted title of Best Picture. I've come to terms with it, I've held a memorial for the film. But this is not just a post about why the Academy did me wrong so many years ago. Actually, this was all just a clever ruse to get us talking about Ang Lee's 2005 film that has since been labelled at the "gay cowboy movie." In their article about the "Queer Frontier," Christopher Le Coney and Zoe Trodd dissect the genre of western in relation to the queer identity. They open their discussion with a depiction of the gay rodeo, which I don't know about you, sounds utterly fascinating. In essence, this area is all about community and connections, allowing queer individuals who identity with a western ideal to come together and partake in activities that speak to both our (perhaps misguided) notions of western culture, as well as queer culture. But importantly! As Coney and Trodd note-- this is a place that transcends any binary in the 'outside world.'

Their conversation shifts to that of Brokeback Mountain. Having been a fan of Lee's film since I was 13, I was excited to see how this picture integrates into our modern approach to queer politics. This is mostly because I do not accept the film's label of the "gay cowboy movie." And if that is how we are marking this film, then we have ourselves a bigger problem than I had initially thought. Interestingly, the article does not offer much about the film regarding its cultural impact. Instead, they focus on the perceptions surrounding the film-- the fact that it is viewed as a revolutionary portrayal of queer desire and lost love. What Coney and Trodd get at is this cowboy code, one that Brokeback Mountain does not subvert. Stuck in a history of heteronormativity, Lee's film does little to rewrite a new frontier for these "gay cowboys." Which... honestly made me pause. What precisely did this mean? I mean, come on, film and television presents a unique opportunity to reflect reality, but doesn't this particular film offer more than "how can we look at cowboys differently?" Because for me, that is not what this film is about. Yes, two ranch hands fall in love and carry out an affair for years. Yes, the film is inherently queer. Yes, the film also functions as a political statement. But how can we remove the politics-- if at all-- to analyze the film on its own merit.

Perhaps I was confused because it seemed to me that Brokeback Mountain was placed under this microscope and was seen as an opportunity to advance the majority's misguided perceptions of the queer community. And maybe it even curbed a lot of expectations! But more than just what the frontier is, I think it is also crucial to look at the film at its release. What was said? Why were these things said? Clearly, the film left an impact on its audience. And VERY clearly, the film was a critical success. Is it not enough to say that it works in the cultural cannon of queer films? Must we take it to another level?

Much like my beef with the Academy, our discussion about this film is never-ending. Perhaps I need to explore the film again-- look at its nuances and intricacies one more time before I pass judgment. Because, quite frankly, I was swept into this tale of forbidden love that perhaps I am watching with rose colored glasses. Suffice it to say, the gay cowboy is not an identity marker that I ponder much. And while I will never say the film is attempting to critique this viewpoint, nor is it concerned with rewriting the cultural narrative surrounding it, Brokeback Mountain works as a stand-alone piece, not to mention one that prompts discussion in its audience. It may not have won Best Picture, but hey, we've still got the mountain.

I did it, everyone. I joined the 21st century.

I'd like to think of myself as a modern-day working man. By which, I mean that I try to stay up-to-date when it comes to television. I do not watch only things that are gay. Nay, I try to cover a broader spectrum of series that shape our televisual landscape. Admittedly, I only watched half of Season 1 to Game of Thrones before I gave up... but otherwise, I feel that I have never been better. TV-wise. Maybe.

All of this to say-- starting in June, my friend and I began a quest. We knew that it would be grueling, yet worthwhile. I will admit, dear friends, I was scared. But it was a mission we knew in our hearts that would be worth the experience. And so we jumped right in-- we attempted to break bad. And as of October 24, 2016... I can say that I have officially seen every episode of Breaking Bad. 

It was a perilous journey. In many ways, I would say that Walter White's life is mirrored in my own... well, that only means that we both have bald heads. I haven't cooked meth in my life, but give it a couple decades and I'll get back to you. As I sit here to write down all of my thoughts about this monumental series, I realize that there is nothing I can say that hasn't already been said. Not only did I catch up on all of the episodes with reviews from The A.V. Club, but I scanned a slew of message boards about the series. As the plots developed and the characters grew more nuanced and grotesque, I couldn't help but gobble up every ounce of information that I could find.

I could write that the series is about power-- how we discover what is innate within us, how we come to terms with our own humanity, how to properly produce and distribute meth. But that has all been said before. Perhaps, to me, what is most fascinating is our own perception of mortality and our inevitable response to these discoveries that I find most rewarding about the series. I do not need to spell out the synopsis of the show for you-- I would like to think that, at this point, you have an inkling as to what Breaking Bad is about. And even if you have not watched the series in its entirety, there are some takeaways I hope you can read into here. There may be spoilers, so read at your own discretion.

From the outset, we were led to believe that Walt committed a multitude of heinous acts because he was a devoted family man. He killed, lied, manipulated, and forged a path as a the kingpin for selling meth on the New Mexico drug circuit. I've never done that. It's incredible. But deep down, we had to believe, that as Walt grew to be this monster, this pinnacle of evil, that there was a reason for it all. If you were anything like me, you hoped that there would be some altruistic pattern for his actions-- that maybe, just maybe, he was doing this for his family.

But then the moment hits: he did it for himself. In his final scene with Skyler, he admits that none of his actions were carried out due to his love for his wife, son, or daughter. No, they were for himself. Set against a backdrop of eerie silence, this scene in the series finale struck me as more than an admission of guilt. Walt is here, pleading to his wife, to... not necessarily forgive him, but to understand him. To understand that there was a method to his madness, to understand that there is a good soul behind the cold and icy exterior. Whether or not Skyler truly does understand is not our job to interpret. The journey we have been on is not hers. She is just another element of Walt's. His revelation-- that everything he did came from a selfish place is not merely for Skyler. It is his own admission. Y'all... Walter White is a liar. And after five seasons, I had no trouble saying he was a vicious and horrible douchebag. But it is in this moment that the severity of his impending death is looming, he knows this, but it is also where every moment we have witnessed culminates into a singular moment of clarity. We are afforded the luxury to just stand still-- take in this quiet moment of desperation, of self-acceptance. The fact that Walt is coming to terms with his life, death, and everything in between is harrowing.... yet warm? He is no longer hiding behind the lies or the schemes. He stands before his wife--- and by extension, us, unafraid of what the last few hours of his life holds.

Needless to say, I loved the series. It was gritty, unforgiving, and bleak. At so many points throughout our viewings, my friend kept saying how sad the series was, that no one was ever happy. Maybe it's the masochist in me, but I couldn't help but agree... but I was really into it. Of course I wouldn't call this series upbeat and peppy, that was never the point. Rather, it is a fascinating and gripping character study. It IS about power, loyalty, and the lies we tell ourselves to keep going. But beyond that, it is about the struggle between all of these relations, as we attempt to navigate through our own self-consciousness. And if that is not enough for you, we can seek solace in the fact that such a revolutionary series taught us how to properly cook meth. And isn't that the lesson?

L is for Lesbian

I feel like I talk A LOT about gay men here.

This makes sense, considering I've devoted this semester (at least) to analyze, critique, discuss queer media. Naturally, I would have to talk about men who identify as gay-- not to mention their representation on television or in film. However, where my project has become flawed is in how I discuss the full spectrum of queerness. I have so far failed to acknowledge beyond the G and (briefly) the T in the LGBTQ+. For this, I would like to apologize. It is not that I want to ignore members of this community, this was just a slight on my part. And I do fully intend to dive into some content surrounding other shades of the queer community today even, so let's sit back and discuss some more.

One of my best friends showed me the pilot episode to The L Word years ago. And while I did not have anything negative to say about the series, I also knew that I wasn't hooked by the premise, nor by the characters. I don't know, maybe it wasn't gripping enough for me at the time. Mind you, I am now a huge Queer as Folk fan and when I first saw the pilot to the U.S. version, I was not impressed either. So maybe a rewatch of The L Word is needed.

Fun fact: I have actually done a similar photo shoot

All of this said, Aviva Dove-Viebahn explores the Showtime original series that is all about lesbians. Which, if you ask me, is pretty fascinating. Dove-Viebhan notes that it is the first of its kind to be about a group of gay women exclusively. Gone are the days where gay characters are delegated to the sidelines. Now, she notes, they are here to represent the queer community in new and fascinating ways. Yet while it is mighty progressive for its time, she also acknowledges that there is much at play in the goings-on between this group of women. While it depicts the lesbian lifestyle as commonplace in the city of Los Angeles, she argues that it also sets up this strict binary between butch lesbians and "femme" lesbians. Essentially, the manly lesbians are seen as social pariahs-- whereas all of the leading characters in the series are cute and fashionable. As Dove-Viebhan clarifies, "(the series) generates a whole new set of questions about the potential mainstreaming of sexual minorities and queer representation in popular media" (p. 72). In other words, the series works as a means of discussion for lesbian characters... but at the same time, it is regressive in its actual depiction of gay women. And excuse me for sounding like a gay Carrie Bradshaw (although I believe those are synonymous), but I couldn't help but wonder:

What is it about the gay community that makes it so easy to commodify?

At this point in my project, I feel like it should go without saying that we, collectively, have come a long, long, long way from where we used to be with queer representation. So let's just settle that right now, so we can take more time to discuss what precisely is wrong with all of these representations. I'll celebrate being gay another time.

Perhaps, in the case of the lesbian community, there is steeped in history all of these elements that complicate what it means to be a gay woman. For example, Dove-Viebhan applies an historical lens to the series-- offering up some much needed context to how lesbians have been culturally accepted/rejected. She writes that throughout the 1980's in particular, there was a clear relationship between butch and femme, because they were responsible for dismantling previous perceptions about gender. This act of dress and ways of being were then inherently political. After all, if you are rejecting the very existence that dictates how you are supposed to be, wouldn't you say that is a political act? However, in the process, this sets up a catch-22 for some women: "if a woman dresses in feminine clothing and is a lesbian... but does not identify, critically or otherwise, as femme, where is her political potency" (p. 74)? Therefore, the very idea that you identify as a lesbian is shrouded in an air of activism-- how exactly does one use that label as an identity marker but also as one that works to expose the flawed system by which they are labelled in the first place?

Yikes. Where does this leave us?

The L Word uses this idea in some flawed ways. For example, characters look at other women and try to guess whether or not they are a lesbian based off their appearances. One storyline centers on a woman who does not look like a lesbian-- she is a different kind, she claims. Y'all. What does that even mean?! Needless to say, these are damning for sure. But Dove-Viebhan also approaches the series by looking to how these portrayals are effective. She notes that creating a world filled with a diverse array of gay women is inherently important for the queer community-- not to mention political in itself. In other words, there is power in exposure. But beyond this, The L Word manages to play with this binary of butch and femme to expose the flaws in the strict shackles they hold on gay women. It's not perfect. But then again, what about the LGBTQ+ community has ever been perfect? It's flawed, it's tough to unpack. It's human.

Hot for Teacher. But Not Really. Because the Teacher is Me.

How's it going, all my devoted television fans?

I hope you have been staying busy with the 2016 fall TV schedule. And in between school and the general obstacles of life, I have been as well. Let me tell ya-- The Voice is consuming everything that I do. I am breathing The Voice. And let's be real, as long as I get to watch Adam Levine twice a week, I'm good to go.

That said, I've got an assignment coming up in one of my classes! This semester, as a grad student, I am not teaching a class the way most do. I am a research assistant for a professor in the Communication department. One class I'm enrolled in, though, is an undergrad class that I am taking for grad credit. One major component of my grade comes from teaching the class of 100+ undergraduate students a lesson of my choosing. Fortunately, this is a class about popular culture, so I am considering so many different options! And! Yay! I am going to be teaching something about gay things.

There is so much to cover there, however. What do I want to talk about? That's the real question.

Fret not, readers. I will fill you in on what precisely I will be discussing in class and I still have time to figure it all out. And I plan on writing a new post devoted to The L Word later on this week. Needless to say, I want you all to be in the know. And if you have any ideas, feel free to let me know!

But remember-- keep it gay.

Gays, Gays, and Even More Gays: Or, Queer as Folk

Welcome back to the weekly edition of a graduate student maintaining his sanity! I'm your host, Spencer, and I am delighted to share with you another entry into all things gay.

This past month has been truly exhausting-- and I mean that in the best way possible. Between thesis work, classes, researching, and running a tournament with the speech team, I am up to my neck in project and due dates. The brilliance of this blog is that there is no specific time to post things for you all to read. And for that matter, there is no limit to what I write. So I just want to thank you all for being patient and staying updated with me.

Fortunately, we begin this week with a look at the UK edition of Queer as Folk. I won't lie. I love the US version of Queer as Folk. It tells a fascinating and particularly insightful story about the queer community, and as the seasons progress, the stories become denser and intricately crafted. Its a series to admire. Admittedly, I have not watched its predecessor, but I relished in the writing of the series. I wanted to know precisely how the UK Queer as Folk impacted its audience. I soon became surprised by a lot of the cultural significance. When writer Giovanni Porfido discusses the series barrier-breaking impacts, I realized that there is a distinct cultural shift between the United States and the UK. For one, for many years leading up to the series' premiere, homosexuality was illegal in the United Kingdom. Up until 1967, being gay was an illegal act-- one that could cost a man his life. Clearly, the show was controversial and I can imagine this being the case. However, as Porfido notes, the characters "were depicted as complex human beings, sometimes behaving nobly, sometimes badly, who happened to be gay and whom homosexual desires and pleasures were just part of who they were" (p. 58). In other words, it wasn't just enough to say "Yes, gay people are here. What now?" They needed to be fleshed out, expanded upon. Relying on the stereotype would be negligent. They must "do" gay.

Porfido argues that, "cultural representations do not simply mirror reality. They also construct and fabricate it" (p. 61). It must go without saying here that what we see is not just a facet of entertainment anymore. It is an omnipresent force that tells us what to be and how we can achieve that. When you think about it, that is more fascinating than we might initially think. I, for one, often take advantage of this fact-- I sit in class on a weekly basis, discussing how media is powerful, that anything I watch will have a profound effect on me, blah blah blah. But then I go home and watch three episodes of The Good Wife in a row. What does this mean? Why do I engage in the spectacle of it all?

Maybe that's it. Maybe because it IS a spectacle. Beyond the mere escapism aspect, what draws me to shows that feature predominantly gay characters? Why do I constantly lament about the severe lack of gay shows on television currently? In Queer as Folk's case, it "clearly readdressed these forms of symbolic and material injustice by bringing uncompromisingly realistic images of gay life to the center of the national televisual arena" (p. 63). If anything, I urge to to acknowledge this. Don't just read it and move on. Let the thought of that marinade. For some reading, you are straight. You may be a man or a woman. For others, though, you are gay and reading this. Or, you identify as queer in some capacity. The severity of a show that depicts gay love-- in all its awkwardness and all its candor-- is important. It carves out a space for the queer community. It legitimizes the queer community. THAT is why we need shows like this. I am not saying go out and watch every gay show that you can, nor am I saying that all queer depictions are flawless and unblemished. Far from it, these shows are flawed. They are far, far, far from perfect. But what would it say to these shows if they were perfect? That we had nowhere to go but backwards? No. We have to keep looking forward.

And perhaps that is what Queer as Folk represents.

Where Are We?

Welcome back to the fun and chaotic life of a grad student balancing school, coaching, and thesis writing! I know you are all on the edge of your seat regarding what I will write next, and believe me, I will give you some updated entries later on in the week.

For the time being, though, I want to fill you all in on the goings-on pertaining to the shows that I am attempting to watch this new 2016-2017 television season. Now, you may be thinking, "Spencer, how do you have time to watch so much TV when you are also busy trying to get your Master's?" Well... the fact of the matter is, I am forsaking sleep. And I guess you could say I have no life, because TV is my life. Because I will be incorporating what I watch into what I'm studying anyway.

Bear in mind, we are still pretty fresh on this season so far. I've immensely enjoyed what I have watched thus far, and I am excited to see what premieres this week (Divorce and Insecure primarily). For those who are curious, here is a comprehensive list of the new shows I plan on watching this season.

• Atlanta (FX)
• Crisis in Six Scenes (Amazon)
• Divorce (HBO)
• Easy (Netflix)
• Fleabag (Amazon)
• The Good Place (NBC)
• Insecure (HBO)
• Speechless (ABC)
• This Is Us (NBC)
• Westworld (HBO)

That said, I am also trying to indulge in some series that are in the middle of their runs. Here is that very list:

• Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (CW)
• New Girl (FOX)
• Transparent (Amazon)
• The Voice (NBC)

Again, keep in mind that some returning shows are not back on yet-- I am merely referring to those that have already returned or will be in the immediate future. If you, too, are watching any of these shows, hit me up in the comments! I would love to dive in and discuss some of these. I will try and catch up with everything as quickly as I can. But ALSO! If you are interested in any particular think pieces regarding a specific episode or season, let me know. I would be more than willing to write about any of these series-- and I very well may later on in the future. In the mean time, I will focus on catching up with some reading and getting life back into place. 

May the force of TV be with you all.